Why it is Fine to Not Be Fine
Anyone who knows me knows that one of my biggest sayings is, “Its fine, I’m fine, everything is fine”. I say it at least 50 times a day. But, it’s not just me! Right now in our society it is all too common for when someone asks how you’re doing for the response to go a little something like this…
When it SHOULD go something like this…
But it doesn’t does it? Most of the time it is because we’ve been taught not to show weakness. We’ve been taught not to fall apart because falling apart means you’re weak and weak minded. How will other people perceive you? Will they think you’re being over dramatic? Will you feel guilty telling someone else why you’re not fine because there are “much bigger problems in the world”? Yeah, I’ve been there. However, I think a lot of mental stress comes from this ideology that you should hide your emotions. Last weekend my fiancé came to see me at college. I spent a solid hour sobbing. Why? No reason at all it just kind of happened! And then I said this, “I’m sorry I just can’t help it! I don’t get to see you all week and now you’re here and I’m falling apart and you’re the only one I can fall apart with”.
It didn’t hit me until later how bad that was. I had bottled up so many things over the course of the week that when I felt like I could let out my emotions it was like a bomb went off! That is unhealthy guys. It really is. My point in telling this story is I want everyone to know that ITS FINE TO NOT BE FINE!!! We don’t have to be fine all the time! That is why so many people are under the impression that they have a mental illness/disorder every time they feel sad or upset. They feel that it isn’t normal to feel that way, so something must be wrong with them. Yall. I’m here to tell ya life sucks sometimes. It really and truly does. We have disappointments, we have heartaches, we have times when we are not fine. And that IS fine. That IS normal! When someone asks how you are, you don’t have to unload every person detail of why you’re not fine, but just try saying “you know what, I’m not having the easiest time right now”. You may find that that person knows just how to help you feel better. Or they may be having a hard time, too and YOU are what THEY need. You aren’t alone. Saying that you’re not fine isn’t a sign of weakness because everyone has had times when they were not fine.
As someone who has been clinically diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, I can tell you it will help you a million times more to talk about it. When you keep it bottled up you continue your misery on a rotating loop in your head. You think of new elements of what is making you upset, you start forming what ifs, you think about it over and over and you can’t break the cycle because there is nobody there to tell you to stop, but you. Open up. Take a chance. I want to challenge everyone to this: if you’re not feeling fine, if a friend asks you how you’re doing today…don’t say I’m fine. For the next week even, if something is bothering you, try challenging yourself to say “I’m not fine. I’m having a hard time”. I really think it will change your life.
That is all from me today, everyone! As always, let me know if there is something you want to hear from me! Stay happy!
XOXO,
Maddie